I had a friend suggest I write a post on “Ri0”. So here it is—and a few other topics as well. Not really expecting anyone to read this, but at least it feels good for me to get things out. (Facebook has its limitations). And if you do read it, hope it isn’t too boring and you get something out of it :P
“Ri0” was definitely a big release and I felt like I owed it to those songs to finish and release them. A few of those songs are FireFly B-sides actually. I felt that writing songs about the harsh reality of the bad shit in the world is just as valid as any other subject, be it romance, true love, or party time—it’s valid, yet perhaps not always the most soothing or happy thing to listen to.
As many people do, I get terribly sad…for days at a time even though I live an awesome life, and am one of the many who are subject to the “you’re-obviously-not-doing-something-right” stigma of depression. When in truth, I take damn good care of myself. I get sad about so many different things and I know I’m not alone, yet it sometimes feels like a very solitary and alienating process. But I suppose I was born with a deep sensitivity, which is what makes me a creator. I know I share this trait with lots of other artist-types in the world and we’re all in this together!
Sadness and outrage at the illogical mess of the world is definitely a huge undertone in Ri0—but cherry-coated with sarcasm and apathy. A central theme is on masculine and feminine power dynamics and how that relates to the physical world we live in, anxiety felt by the weak, vulnerable, and ignored, and how that all that takes a noticeable toll on the planet as a life source. It mocks the things that seem ass-backwards, yet keeping it’s cool. Like muzak in an elevator to the top floor of a big bank or corporation. It’s the cigarette and iphone that makes the stranger outside appear comfortable standing alone.
The first song ‘Tricks’ serves as a filter for those who are not committed to going somewhere that may cause them to feel uncomfortable, versus those who do. As a female, small in stature, and somewhat prim, proper, and doting (due to societal expectations) the words “cock” “(buy) ass” and “boob jobs” are fairly ‘unfeminine.’ Point and case. And we like to end that with the sound of a powerful storm.
The next two songs are pretty self explanatory, yet aren’t meant to make the listener 100% comfortable either.
If you’ve made it to the fourth song. thank you. This song is one of my favorites. This section of the album is about vulnerability, insecurity, alienation, and oppression.
“Sweet Like a Lime” is my personal favorite from the album. I feel this is more the direction I’m planning to go in the near future. I like the higher timbre of the vocals in this one (though I’m always struggling to get a good mix on them—so hard!!!). I like it’s openness and emotional accessibility, and I’m always a fan of the reggae up-beat. The lyrics are pretty heart-wrenching, yet simple. I can actually say I’m proud of this one—I mean, I like them all, but I really like this one.
The next few come to a more neutral, listener-friendly, and lazy movability, I have an awesome music vid idea for Not Responsible :) I’d like to wear a dinosaur suit and throw random shit out a car window driving down a dirt road—a girl can dream….maybe one day.
Initially, I was going to end the album with “Hearts” with the dialogue between me and the child (a child I taught while I was in Seattle—beautiful human!) “What is your biggest fear in life?”…..”Nothing.” But then “MIrage” popped out last minute and I felt like that had to be on the album, and was basically the break through into whatever this new thing is I need to explore further.
All I can say is self-releasing an album was fucking scary this time because I felt that it is the rawest of anything I have put out there, and I knew it would turn some people off—which is a funny feeling, but it definitely clarifies a lot of things too. Yet, I haven’t done hardly anything to ‘get it out there’ just because I feel like I can do better—especially when it comes to the mixing and production. I’ve got a lot to learn and people to meet. But I had to let go of this, I had learned a few small new things in the mixing process, and I actually went through with mastering this time—so it’s slowly getting there. But I can’t help but compare it with professionally produced tracks, or even tracks that people—some of my own friends—did in their bedrooms, and not consider Ri0 a ‘demo’ album. It’s pretty sonically submissive for such a powerful message.
But here’s the exciting part for me. I’m feeling a creative metamorphosis going on. I literally feel like I’m living in a cocoon, which kind of sucks sometimes, but it’s also a good process. I haven’t been playing shows, I’m happily not working for the moment, and get to spend my days leisurely and usually make a lot of music. Getting it ‘out there’, is another story, haha, but I do spend a lot of time making music at least.
This transitional phase is much needed. I’m even considering changing the moniker, or maybe to just Terabyte, or maybe something more unique and off the wall. I get a good feeling about the prospect of starting from scratch—and maybe some of you will stay with me, I’ll be living in California in a little while too!
TandTBE was and is a project I have had so many great experiences and feelings from, especially during my time in Montana with Stephen. Stephen is one of my dearest friends in life, he is just as close as a family member to me and I have shared a great deal of the happiest moments in life with him. He was one of the first people outside of my family to hear my music, and his support changed my life. He made me feel like my music was magic and that I could go somewhere with it.
Sharing the experience of creating music with Stephen was amazing, and he put a lot of good energy in the music. It has been one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned. His enthusiasm was and is contagious—we still share projects with each other. Some of my favorite songs of all time were made by us (Laugh Laugh, Underdogs, Warm Milk).
Out of the sake of our friendship, creative exploration, and the foresight that I would be leaving Seattle to follow my heart like the hopeless romantic I am, we decided to part ways. In all honesty, the months that followed were some of the scariest, weirdest, months of my life. There were still some great moments, and some great solo shows I’ll never forget as well—but not quite at the vibration of a Montana show. And nothing beats sharing the stage with others.
Living in the steel and concrete of a city in very tight quarters, dealing with the passive aggressiveness of the people of Seattle, plus all the other unexpected turns life took at that point, definitely effected the creative process, big time. My personal vibration dropped a few pitches—and it took a while to convince myself that it was acceptable to transfer this into the creative process, because why create with limitations? That’s unfair to the muse and to you, and all emotions are valid in the creative process.
But since I have released “Ri0,” even though it’s been a very isolated and vulnerable experience, it has also been a huge relief. I feel like the air is clear to go in a new direction—and perhaps more swiftly and freely this time—there’s nothing to lose at this point. I feel like it’s cool to move into a different emotional state, to get excited about music again, and to make this next set more of a healing process.
If any one has read this, thanks for reading. I’m planning to take a much needed break from releasing recordings, and I’m spending time researching mixing and production techniques I should have learned ages ago, haha. I’m also planning to take a job somewhere in the woods, always an inspiring environment! And by the time I am ready to release another album, I am putting my intentions out there to work in a studio with an engineer…this music really deserves to be portrayed professionally and beautifully. I’m already starting to work on new material that I think will translate well in a live setting if I’m just going to be playing by myself. Though I probably won’t be posting any new music for a while, I may update here sometimes. If you want to follow my tumblr, I think you can do that somehow too I think and if you have one, even better I’ll follow yours and we’ll do this livejournal style :)
Sweetness and Light~